Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
