YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
