Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
