Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
