white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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