how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
