im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
