I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I fill condoms, not promises.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
