just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
