Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
