Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
