i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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