i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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