I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sext me about skeletons
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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