I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dear god my vagina.
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