OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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