DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
