K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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