He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
