No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
