Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
