Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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