omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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