PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have demons in me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
