Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
