New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
