thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
