Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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