no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
