wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
