sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
