drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
