It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
