member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
