Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
