What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
