just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
