I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
whose parrot is this?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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