I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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