He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
