What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
These tits shall not be calmed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
