Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
