plz talk dirty to me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
