FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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