I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
