Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
