If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
