Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
