i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Be still, my beating vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
