Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
