hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
