I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
