I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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