Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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