I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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