everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
