I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Holy sore nipples Batman
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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