This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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