My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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