Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
