piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
