I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
