people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
