I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
